last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
