Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
