Don't make out with my wife yet
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
