So drunk its hurt
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
