gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
