apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
