Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
