my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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