so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
