I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
