oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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