Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
