were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
