Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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