Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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