TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
