the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
