Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
