I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
