I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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