She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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