idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How does one acquire holy water?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
