Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
