I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
