Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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