Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
