Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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