He felt like a one man threesome
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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