If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
