its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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