Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
