go do what you do best...puke behind churches
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
