He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My vagina just recognized that song.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
