The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
