why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
