Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
