dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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