I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sober January is a disaster.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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