so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
