So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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