Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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