Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
