Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
