do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
