are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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