Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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