I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
