my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
