I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Houston, we have a squirter
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
