The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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