dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
