I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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