I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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