When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
