how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
