put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
