Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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