One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if only i could text you this smell
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
