awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
