y did u give ur computer a hand job?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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