why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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