Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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