An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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