I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
