Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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