I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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