The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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