based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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