You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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