Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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