i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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