Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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