What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
