That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
